Forgive Me
by siliana blue
Summary: After a not so little quarrel Tyson has to find Kai before it's too late... TyKa OneShot. R&R please?


Hello everybody!

It took me kind of forever, but I finally finished translating one of my stories into English. The original version is in German and is entitled "Never Meant To Hurt You", just in case your interested in reading it…

I still haven't got a beta, so again bear with me and mistakes – trust me, there will be a lot of them… and if someone by any chance is interested in helping me with this – let me know! Please? '

Anyway, enough drabble here: Enjoy the story! If you can… Oo

Disclaimer: Don't own. Don't sue.

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**Forgive Me…

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**

This time he'd done it. Tyson stared helplessly at the wooden door as if it held the answers to all his questions. For a moment he almost thought he could still see it tremble after it had been slammed shut with recognisable strength. But it couldn't be. Too much time had already passed. Time he could have used to catch up with him, to follow him and explain that he hadn't meant it…

When would he finally learn to keep his damned mouth shut? When would he ever learn to think before talking?

He and Kai often quarrelled. To say the truth they were almost always fighting, weren't they? But today it had been different. He had crossed an invisible border. He hadn't been thinking and in the end he had gone too far. He hadn't even realized what he had been saying until it had been too late.

'_I don't need your damned advises…'_ The words still lingered in his ears. His own words. _'You're just jealous that I am the world champion and not you, aren't you?'_ He had fully known that it wasn't true before he'd even said it, but he hadn't been able to stop himself. _'I wished you'd never moved in here…'_ A blatant lie!

As Kai had moved in to the dojo right after Voltaire had been arrested, he – Tyson – had been the happiest guy in the whole world. Back then Kai had only been a really good friend to him. Someone he could trust blindly, someone he could rely on. And someone who always made him remember to not just sit around and enjoy his victories but to keep on working hard if he wanted to stay world champion. But the longer Kai had been here, the more he had become used to having him around until he finally hadn't even been able to imagine a live without Kai anymore. It had taken him a while to figure out why he had felt like that, but in the end he had understood. It had been in this one night in November…

_

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_

-- flashback --

Tyson looked over to the clock on his nightstand. 3.42 pm. Just in the middle of the night. What the hell had woken him at such an ungodly hour? He let his eyes wander around the barely moonlit room. Nothing unusual, not one thing out of place. Everything was as it should be. But then why was he awake? He – Tyson Granger – of all people, the greatest sleepyhead of the world! He turned over to lie on his stomach, pulled the duvet up to his nose and buried his face in the warm pillows in hopes of just returning to sleep again. But to no use. He just couldn't get rid of the feeling that something was amiss. He closed his eyes shut and tried to concentrate. What had woken him? Perhaps he had had a bad dream?

Yes, that had to be it. A bad dream. Good. Now he just had to remember what the dream had been about, think of an alternative ending to it, et voilá! He could go back to sleep and be just fine 'til morning came! His grandpa had told him about this trick once, right after his mother's death, for he had had nightmares almost every night.

Okay now – what had he been dreaming of?

He thought hard about it but as much as he tried, he just couldn't remember anything. The only thing he could come up with was that someone had been screaming. But it hadn't been him. It had been someone else. Someone he knew. A friend…

_KAI!_ He suddenly realised. Kai had been the one screaming. And now that he thought about it he wasn't so sure anymore that it had been just a dream…

He flipped back onto his back and straightened his ears. He couldn't hear anything unusual disturbing the peace of night. Only the soft rustlings of leaves coming from the trees outside his window, the quiet whisper of the wind and somewhere right beneath his window the spluttering of the little spring down in the garden. But then he heard it: footsteps. Soft and quiet, carefully walking by his door and afterwards an almost inaudible "shhht" which told him that someone had opened the sliding-doors to the porch.

He climbed out of bed and stepped in front of the window. One look down to the garden confirmed his suspicions. There was Kai, clad only in his old black sweatpants he always wore in bed these seasons and a worn out shirt. Barefoot and his thick two-toned strands standing out in all directions he sat down with his back to Tyson's window and stared out into the dark.

Tyson's hesitations lasted just one moment. He snatched his nightgown off the chair standing beside his bed, slipped it on and tiptoed cautiously out of his bedroom into the dark corridor leading out to the garden.

Sliding the doors to the porch open he was surprised that Kai didn't turn to look at his intruder. En contraire. The stoic Russian gave no signs of having even noticed that Tyson was there. Even so Tyson was quite sure that he had to have heard him. He hadn't been _that_ quiet.

Without a word he stepped beside Kai who was still sitting perfectly still on the old wooden floor, one knee up to his chin, the other dangling over the edge of the porch. Tyson briefly thought about speaking up to make himself acknowledged but in the end he decided not to. He was sure that Kai knew he was there by now, so he just sat down beside him wordlessly. If his silent Russian friend wanted to talk he would tell him.

And so they sat silently, in the middle of the night. The wind ruffling their hair and somewhere in the distance Tyson could hear an owl crying. Finally he couldn't stand it any longer. Fully aware of the fact that he was probably risking his very life by sticking his nose into Kai's businesses without being asked to do so he turned to the phoenix. Right as he was about to open his mouth something made him stop. Something about Kai. Somehow he didn't seem all that cold and distant anymore, not as arrogant and untouchable as he used to. But why? How came?

And then he saw it: The paint! The all so infamous face paint he usually wore, four perfectly drawn triangles on both cheeks, the dark blue contrasting with his pale skin – they weren't there! He had to be washing them off before going to bed. Of course.

Tyson couldn't believe he hadn't noticed earlier. Kai looked completely different without them. Kind of… younger, not that harsh, not so… invincible. And suddenly Tyson understood what he secretly had wondered about a thousand times: Why Kai always wore these 'shark fins'. It was part of the game. That little game he always played. They were just some kind of mask like everything else about Kai. His harsh behaviour, his stoic silence, him going out for hours on his own without telling anyone where he went, his derision for those he considered weak… Just a mask! A role he played and which he was so perfect in playing by now that nobody recognized it for what it really was: a brick wall he could hide behind from the rest of the world.

Tyson didn't know what to say. He wanted to tell Kai so badly that he understood. That he finally got the picture and that there wasn't any reason for hiding any longer. But he didn't know how to put it into the right words. In the end he could do nothing but pulling the elder into a tight embrace. He could feel Kai shiver under his touch and knew intuitively that it wasn't due to the cold November wind. He could feel his shirt becoming wet and knew that those were the first tears Kai had shed in years. He didn't say a word. He just pulled him closer and rubbed his back soothingly. And waited…

_-- end flashback --

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_

He didn't know how long he had sat there that night, holding Kai in his arms and secretly wondering about how he could have been that oblivious to his friend's hurting for so long. The only thing he knew for sure was that that night he had finally come to realise how much Kai meant to him. At first this discovery had kind of shocked him, the fact that he had fallen for another guy, but in the end it hadn't mattered. He loved Kai. With all his heart. And that was everything that mattered. Later that night, as the sun had already been making itself known at the horizon, Kai had finally begun to talk. First it had been hard for him but every new word seemed to drag a new one 'til the story of his past flooded from his lips as if it had been locked up inside of him for too long. And it had been. While listening intently and holding Kai close all along Tyson had wondered how he had managed to keep all this to himself all these years. He didn't think that he himself had been able to…

As Kai had come to an end he had finally looked at Tyson. His lips had curled up slightly into a barely visible smile and Tyson had known that it was Kai's way of saying thank you. He had only been able to return the smile wordlessly. Too much questions had been swirling around in his head. And while he had still been searching for the right answers he had suddenly felt something warm and soft brushing against his lips. He had just sat there, thunderstruck, and as he had finally understood what exactly this 'something' had been, the spot beside him had been empty.

Like lightning he had jumped into action, running after his newfound love. That all this noise he was producing would certainly wake up his grandpa hadn't bothered him in the slightest. At the foot of the stairs he had finally caught up with Kai. Without giving him a chance to escape a second time Tyson had thrown his arms around his neck and had kissed him. He hadn't wasted time with being shy. Kai had kissed him first after all, so there was no reason to worry about if he wanted this too.

It had been his first real kiss and Kai had told him sometime later that it had been the same for him, but that night Tyson hadn't noticed. Kai had been a great kisser – and still was.

After this first kiss there had been many more. Playful ones, teasing ones, passionate ones and the ones that inevitably lead to more. And each one of them had remembered Tyson of how much he loved the usually cold and distant Russian. And he thanked God for the fact that the Russian court had convicted and expropriated Voltaire three years ago. Because if not Kai would never have moved into the dojo and Tyson would have never come to know the fragile soul that hid behind this cold mask of his.

'_I wished you'd never moved in here…'_

The memory of his harsh words came back to him like a stone thrown against his forehead. Once again he could see Kais expression in front of his eyes. Hurt, unbelieving, and finally terrifyingly sad. It had lasted only for a split second. Then all emotion had vanished behind an expression which Tyson knew all too well and which he had hoped to never see again – at least not directed to him. The old mask of indifference had slipped firmly back into place. This mask he hid all his feelings behind from anyone and everybody – even from himself. Then he had turned on his heels and left, without saying a word, without showing any sign of emotion. Tyson had been aware of the fact that he would go upstairs packing. He knew Kai too well as not to know that. But he hadn't really realised what that meant. It was not before Kai disappeared through the front door and round the wall surrounding the dojo that he realised that he wouldn't come back. Not this time.

They often quarrelled. About trivial matters they both couldn't even remember afterwards. After those little fights Kai always disappeared for several hours. Tyson knew that he needed this time to think. But usually he wouldn't pack all his stuff before leaving. But usually Tyson wouldn't tell him that he hated him…

'_I hate you, Kai Hiwatari…'_

The words echoed in his head like the announcement of the apocalypse. _'I hate you… hate you… hate… you…'_ He hadn't meant it! Kai knew that! He _had_ to know! Hadn't he? After all he knew that Tyson couldn't hate him ever! But he could keep telling himself that as long as he wanted to – he knew it was only a feeble attempt of soothing his bad conscience. Of course Kai knew that he loved him. But all those bad things he had to go through as a kid had taught him that nothing lasts forever. He wouldn't come back. Not unless Tyson would ask him to…

He knew what he had to do! Casting one last look out of the window he snatched his raincoat and umbrella and stepped outside into the pouring rain. He had to find Kai! He just hoped that he hadn't already left the town on his way to god-knows-where…

_

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_

Can you forgive me again?  
I don't know what I said  
But I didn't mean to hurt you

* * *

Almost blinded by the rain he rushed through the streets, casting glances to all directions in hopes of catching a glimpse of all too familiar two-toned blue hair. First he headed for the beach. He knew that Kai always went there when something was troubling him. But he had no luck. Not that he had been expecting anything different. After all this wasn't about something as trivial as Tyson drinking milk directly out of the carton or Kai cleaning their room and Tyson not finding his things anymore due to it, Kai calling that 'order'. No, this time the problem couldn't be solved with a simple walk at the beach…

He searched in the park, at the small fountain in front of the bey-stadium, he even woke Tala in the middle of the night by ringing his doorbell desperately – without luck. The read-head wanted to know what had occurred and after Tyson had told him about their argument he suggested trying the station. Tyson could have kicked himself for not thinking of that earlier. Of course! Kai had taken his belongings with him – which meant that he hadn't planed on coming back soon. Or anytime. Maybe he wanted to leave town for good…

This thought made Tyson panic. He started running as fast as he could. He didn't even say sorry to Tala for waking him. But he couldn't care less. He had to find Kai. _He_ was the one he should apologize to. He just hoped that it wasn't too late already.

_

* * *

_

I heard the words come out  
I felt like I would die  
It hurt so much to hurt you

* * *

As the station came into view his step slowed down. What if Kai wasn't there? What if he had already left? For somewhere, without any message, without any hint of where Tyson could find him? He wouldn't be able to explain that he regretted his words, that he hadn't meant them. He wouldn't be able to tell him that he was sorry, how much he really loved him. He stopped and stared at the ground in front of him, the water splashing every time one of the heavy raindrops hit the already wet pavement. What should he do then? He wouldn't survive this, of that he was sure.

No! He mustn't think this way! He would find Kai, he would explain everything to him, tell him that he was sorry and they would go back home together and celebrate there reconciliation by hot tea and candlelight! The thought made him run again, heading for the station entrance. He had almost reached it as he stopped again.

_

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_

Then you look at me  
You're not shouting anymore  
You're silently broken

I'd give anything now  
to hear those words from you

* * *

There he was. All alone and somewhat lost he stood in the shadows beside the broad double-doors, completely drenched, his hair tousled as it had been in that faithful night three years ago, his bag standing on the ground beside him despite the fact that its fabric along with its content was getting soaked.

Slowly Tyson went over to him, the rain muffling the sound of his footsteps. It wasn't until he was standing right in front of him that Kai lifted his gaze. So much pain showing through his eyes…

"You're still here."

No answer.

"I was afraid I'd be too late."

No answer.

_

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_

Each time I say something I regret I cry "I don't want to lose you."  
But somehow I know that you will never leave me.

* * *

"_Is_ it too late?"

Just one look which Tyson couldn't decipher.

He had to do something. This time simply going back to every day life wouldn't do it.

_

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_

'Cause you were made for me  
Somehow I'll make you see  
How happy you make me

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"You know I could never hate you. You _know_ it."

Nothing gave away if Kai had even heard him. Oh, this time he'd really messed things up… How could he make it clear to Kai that in his rage he had simply lost control? That his words had nothing to do with what he really felt. How could he ever hate Kai? He wouldn't even survive without him! If only he wasn't that bad when it came to words… He wasn't good at apologizing – Kai knew that.

He just stood there for a while, helplessly searching for the right words which in the end didn't want to come across his lips. Nervous and at the edge of desperation he fiddled with his fingers. He just couldn't look at Kai at the moment.

As he finally found the courage to do so, he found himself looking straight into Kai's crimson orbs. And for one brief moment time seemed to stand still.

_

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_

I can't live this life  
Without you by my side  
I need you to survive

So stay with me  
You look in my eyes and I'm screaming inside that I'm sorry.

* * *

"Let's go home."

Kais tired voice almost made him jump. He bent down to pick up his heavy bag and stepped past Tyson out on the street. The rain washed the last tears off his face. Tyson looked at his retreating back for a moment before hurrying to catch up with him. And while silently heading down the wet street towards the dojo together, Tyson swore to himself to never say something that ill-considered again. From now on he would think first before opening his big mouth. And he would make sure – just in case that he, despite his vows, would talk such rubbish again – that Kai would always know how much he really loved him.

_

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_

And you forgive me again  
You're my one true friend  
And I never meant to hurt you

**The End

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**

Sooo… hope it wasn't that bad… The lyrics by the way are from Evanescence's "Forgive Me" which I don't own! Sad enough...

Review please?

siliana


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